4,200 Miles Apart, Still My Dad: The Power of Active Fatherhood and Mental Health - Ernest James Usher III

Talking to my dad tonight reminded me of something I keep learning and re-learning: having a father who is really in your life is different than just having a father who exists somewhere on the family tree. My dad, Ernest James Usher Jr., does not phone in fatherhood. This man is committed like it’s his sorry NFL team, the Chicago Bears. If there was a podium for “Most Involved Dad,” he’d be up there waving at the crowd with a gold medal and a towel over his shoulder.

He’s still in Valdosta, Georgia. I’m in England. Yet somehow when he’s talking, joking, advising, and lecturing (“lovingly lecturing,” let’s be honest), it feels like he’s sitting right beside me. It’s wild how a whole ocean doesn’t even stand a chance against a father who actually shows up.

Growing up, he didn’t just push me through school — he made sure I understood why it mattered. He didn’t just have me in church — he handed me ministry like a toolkit, showed me how to serve, how to believe, how to treat people, and how to love folks for who they are. And then, because he’s a Usher and apparently comedy is hereditary, he loaded me up with more jokes than the average middle school classroom could handle. That man had me ready to do stand-up ministry if necessary. Laughing at life really does keep you from fighting it.

And here’s what I need fathers to hear: involvement is medicine. Kids who have their father actively involved tend to have stronger self-esteem, better emotional regulation, lower anxiety, higher confidence, and less fear of disappointing the world — because they’re not doing it alone. That’s mental health. That’s emotional security. That’s stability. That’s legacy work. And it matters more than you think.

Everybody talks about “being present,” but presence without engagement is like Wi-Fi with no password — technically it’s there, but don’t nobody benefit from it. Fathers, don’t just be around — be in there. Ask questions, tell jokes, give advice, correct with love, pray for your kids, cheer them on, call them out, hug them, embarrass them in public if needed. Kids grow up and they remember all of it. I’m older now, and I genuinely enjoy my dad. That matters. I can talk to him about life, goals, ministry, business, mental health, purpose, and laughter. We can go from talking about the Holy Spirit to talking about how people can’t park straight at Walmart. That’s balance.

I, Ernest Andrews Usher III, appreciate my dad. I love that man. I’m grateful for his leadership, mentorship, ministry, jokes, wisdom, sacrifices, and the way he taught me to love people and love God without making it weird. That’s a real father. That’s a real man. And I celebrate him while he’s still here to enjoy the celebration.

Fathers out there — your kids don’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be present, involved, loving, consistent, and willing to actually talk to them. It pays off. It builds strong minds. It builds stable hearts. And one day, your grown kid will be sitting somewhere across the world bragging about you on the internet. And honestly? That’s goals family, that's goals.