The “Fix-It” Mentality: Learning to Sit, Listen, and Just Be - Ernest James Usher III

I’ve always been the guy who fixes things. If something’s broken, I find the tool. If someone’s hurting, I find the solution. That instinct—the “fix-it” mentality—has been my guide through life. It's built into how many men are taught to move through the world: solve, act, repair. But when I stepped into therapy, that logic collapsed. There were no tools to grab. No leaks to seal. Just words, pauses, and uncomfortable silences where I couldn’t do anything—except feel. That was the first time I realized fixing things and healing things are not the same.

Therapy pushed me to sit still in a space that doesn’t demand a quick resolution but invites reflection. And for someone like me, that felt almost wrong. I was trained to see pain as a problem to solve, not a signal to explore. Talking about emotions felt like wasting time because there wasn’t an immediate “output”—no visible fix I could measure. But that’s the hidden trap: sometimes the fixer in me doesn’t heal me, he hides me. He builds walls of productivity around my pain until it can’t breathe. Sitting down and talking without trying to fix everything has taught me that emotional honesty isn’t inactivity—it’s internal maintenance.

The truth is, the most powerful repair work I’ve ever done didn’t involve tools, plans, or solutions. It happened when I stopped trying to be the mechanic of my own heart and started being the witness. When I simply let myself be without managing every crack or imperfection. Because not everything broken needs mending; some things need understanding. And as men, we owe it to ourselves—and to everyone who relies on us—not to keep “fixing” in ways that only deepen the damage. Sometimes what saves you isn’t action. It’s stillness. It’s conversation. It’s grace.

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"Stronger in Silence: Men Building a Safe Mental Space" By Ernest Usher

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